Y5 2nd Quarter: Christmas Carol Analysis, and a Cello Rant

Inspired by our rhetorical analysis of Of the Father's Love Begotten, my students wanted to analyze other popular Christmas songs.  Here are some of their examples (I will have to make this an actual assignment last year, it was really quite cool!).

I will list an excerpt of each song followed by rhetorical devices students identified:

 

This is me as a very pregnant elf in our Christmas chapel this morning. Just because.

You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch (1966)

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch*
You really are a heel,
You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch, simile; cuddly cactus = alliteration; litote (ironic understatement)
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel! metaphor; bad banana = alliteration; greasy = onomatopoeia

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch,*   *Parallel structure
Your heart's an empty hole, hole = zeugma - dual meaning as a literal hole (because it's so small) and a figurative hole (because nothing warm fills it)
Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch, spiders/soul = alliteration
I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole! hyperbole (exaggeration)

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You have termites in your smile,
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch, seasick crocodile = oxymoron

Given a choice between the two of you I'd take the seasick crocodile! litote

All I Want for Christmas is You (Mariah Carey)

I don't want a lot for Christmas, There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know
Make my wish come true, oh all I want for Christmas is you!

I don't want a lot this Christmas, there is just one things I need, and I
don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking there up on the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas Day

There is literally no rhetorical device in this song. It has no literary value.  The longest word in it is "underneath," closely followed by "Christmas." The DJ at the Christmas semi-formal I chaperoned on Saturday played it, and three or four students made sure to find me to know he played it.  Every time I turn on the local Christmas station I feel like this song is played, and it is one of my least favorite. That is, after the -

Christmas Canon in D (Trans-Siberian Orchestra)

Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas

The joy that he brings
(Merry Christmas) the joy that he brings
(Merry Christmas) the joy that he brings
(Merry Christmas) the joy that he brings

This night
We pray
Our lives
Will show
This dream
He had
Each child
Still knows

On this night
On this night
On this night
On this very Christmas night

I dislike this song for several reasons.  First, it has no literary substance.  There is not a single theological reference; a student tried to argue that "he" was obviously alluding to baby Jesus, but is it?  Whose dream? What does each child still know? It also lacks creativity - the above lyrics literally repeat for the 3+ minutes of the track. Also, the lyrics sound ugly: "On this night" is choppy no matter what choir sings it.  Maybe if it was in Latin or French it might be salvageable.  Also, as a cello player, I hate Canon in D; it is the boringest piece in existence for cellists and most often requested for weddings. We play eight notes (2 on open strings - we don't even have to put our fingers down!) over and over again until the entire wedding party has entered. I played a wedding in high school once where I zoned so badly I almost missed the cutoff of the bride's entrance.  The Piano Guys show it best (go to about 0:45-1:00 in):

My Hubster has heard this rant every time this song comes on the radio, and thus sent me the Pachelbel Rant, which has expressed my experience exactly.  

Tomorrow starts finals - nearly done with the semester!