Book Review: Three Martini Playdate

Now that we are two weeks into second semester, my students are plodding happily away at their research papers.  Research paper time, at least the process, can be very easy on the teacher: the entire three-week project is planned out with check-in steps along the way, and for the most part students work independently, so I have entire days of sitting in the computer lab with nothing to do but help the occasional student cite a website in MLA format.  It's an excellent time to catch up on paperwork, email, grading, and reading.

Yesterday I started Brave New World in preparation for possibly teaching it this spring, but I just finished an excellent little book I'd like to rave about.  My husband bought it for me for Christmas.  It's called The Three Martini Playdate by Christie Mellor (Chronicle Books 2004).

It's a parenting manual that requires parents to ask, "How did the children become the center of the universe? I was here first!"  It advocates for enforcing good manners, grown up time, teaching kids to eat real food, and not allowing children to have the full run of their parents' lives.  Of course, there is also quite a bit of satire built in, like when she suggests that if a children insist on attending a grown up gathering, teach them how to mix and serve a proper martini.  My favorite chapter discusses why you shouldn't negotiate with toddlers.  The mock conversation Mellor includes goes like this:

     Once you're ready to go, it's wisest not to ask permission of your progeny.  Now would not be the time to say, "Honey, we want to leave in about five minutes, is that okay?"  Your child might be having the worst time of his life, but given the opportunity of deciding the fate of the entire family, well, what choice do you think a four-year-old would make?  The slippery slope is all to familiar:
     "Sweetheart, no more cookies, we'll be going home for dinner in a few minutes>"
     "Honey, I said no more.  All right, one more, but that's it, because we're leaving!  Will you please go get your backpack?"
     "Okay, okay, you may have two more cookies, but no whining.  Please, sweetie, that's enough.  We're leaving. Please put the cookie down and please get your backpack, okay dollbear?"
     "Are you ready to go now? I've got your backpack!  We're leaving! No more cookies, honey."
     "Okay, I will let you have one more cookie in the car, but we're leaving in two minutes."
     As the child reluctantly leaves one half-hour later, clutching five more cookies, the chuckling mother exclaims that her little one is "Such a negotiator!  He will probably grow up to be a lawyer!"
     No, he will likely grow up to be friendless and unpleasant, and have difficulty functioning in social situations...
(Mellor pp. 49-50)

Hubster and I have a lot bouncing around in the next 18 months - baby Spartacus (working title only), grad school, my husband getting out of the army, moving - that it's so important to have a little humor in life.  Next memoir: Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman.  I might pull some excerpts for my students to read - they always enjoy conversations on how parents can mess up their kids.