Intercom Devotion: She Hates Me

The following is the devotion I wrote for our morning announcements, given last Tuesday.  Enjoy!

While I teach English, many of you know my field of passion is the social sciences.  A few weeks ago I attended a lecture by Dr. Bev Yahnke, a psychology professor at Concordia University-Wisconsin.  She was teaching about putting the best construction on situations, specifically those that involved difficult people - particularly when those people are also Christians.

She explored how we react to people with whom we don’t get along. First, we decide we don’t like them.  Eventually, nothing they do will ever be right.  At some point, we may even give them a nickname. She described a government agent she was working with in getting non-profit tax status for her counseling organization. This woman was extremely negative and unpleasant, and every conversation with her was a chore. Dr. Yahnke began to describe this woman, first to herself, then to others, as “The Pill.”  As in, “I had to call the Pill today.”  Or, “You’ll never guess what The Pill wants me to do now.”

Dr. Yahnke then explained how this final step, taking away a person’s name and giving him or her a dehumanizing nickname, has effectively shut her off from ever having a positive interaction with that person.  As I listened, I thought how often I hear my students talk about a class in which they are struggling. When I suggest the student talk to the teacher, how often do I hear, “I can’t, Mrs. H - she hates me.”  

Many of you have teachers that you think “hate” you, or other students in this building.  In saying this, you have cut yourself off from ever having a positive interaction with that person. You have decided he or she is not worth your respect or even your civility, and you have created a mental block in your head where none existed before.  

In my five years of teaching, I can say I have never had a student whom I “hated,” and although I have had many conversations when a student told me I was wrong, the majority of them had positive outcomes.  (I do, on occasion, make mistakes).  Even in my personal life, there are plenty of people with whom I disagree and don’t get along - even other teachers! - and it is often more pleasant to believe they hate me than it is to fix the relationship.

Dr. Yahnke emphasized that we first must start any conflict with prayer - the Bible does tell us to pray for our enemies - but also to pray for ourselves, for patience and mercy.  Dr. Yahnke also said that before she picked up the phone to call the Pill again, she reminded herself that she was calling a person for whom Jesus died.  Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

In effect, when we feel the need to hold a grudge against someone who we think “hates” us, we are forgetting the abundant love that we receive through Jesus, who loves us despite our great sins.  We don’t have to get along with everyone - and no matter how hard we try, we never will in this lifetime - but please recognize the danger of shutting anyone out. We teachers have bad days too, and we also are sinners - in fact, we’ve had many more years to sin than you students.  But you and I are all redeemed children of God, and in our brief years together in this building, can learn a lot from each other.

Gracious God, thank you for bringing us to the start of another day. We thank you for all the positive relationships in our lives, particularly those people who bring us joy and love us. We pray also for those with whom we don’t get along.  Even in disagreements, help us remember that each human was redeemed by the precious blood of your Son Jesus.  Remind us to be patient with others, especially those we don’t like, and to show Christlike kindness, even when it is painful to us.  Thank you for your love, and help us to be that love to others. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I made a gaff when reading this last week - instead of saying "Jesus loves us," I said, "Jesus hates us." The word "hate" was on the line above on my printed copy, so my eye just slipped. Also, after reading "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" sermon with my AP students last week, which contains the line, "God abhors you," I think the line just rolled off my tongue a little easier than usual. So despite my best intentions, the only thing most students took away from this devotion (at least, the sleepy ones) was that Jesus hates them. Won't live that down anytime soon...